Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
