So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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