last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
