some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
