Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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