Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
