You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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