i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
