Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
