oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
