i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
