Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
