I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
