thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
