dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
