Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
