break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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