Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
