i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
