Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
