just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
