I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
