now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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