My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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