Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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