wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
