I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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