Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In other news, I just burned my penis
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
