you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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