She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
