Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
