Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
