I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
