I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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