We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
