Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
