Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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