Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
