when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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