you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
