I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
