So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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