you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
