What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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