Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
