someone get that fucking seahorse.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
