I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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