So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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