he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
