woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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