UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
