I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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