dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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