I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
