just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
